I just used a road that brought back many memories I had long locked away. My Uber driver took a wrong turn and I almost asked him to turn back. Then I recognized the ridiculously high speed ramp you’d complain about every time we used that road because your car was so low.
“This road is still the same since I last used it,” I said out loudly. “And it’s been years.”
“Africa!” the driver said, shaking his head.
I could tell what next turns we had to take and i was surprised my mind still had this road map somewhere in there. The quiet ride kept bringing up memories of you and with it, our last conversation… if you can call me telling you I didn’t want to see you again and you speeding angrily away ‘a conversation’.
I’d forgotten how long and dusty this road is. Houses with walls brown from the untarred road still line up the road. The only thing out of place is the empty 3-legged wooden stall — Aunty Naa has closed shop. You liked her kelewele so much. Only you could eat kelewele every evening!
I caught myself holding my breath as we drove past the remnants of the beginning of our love story. Quite apt actually.
I let out a sigh of relief when I realized she wasn’t there. I couldn’t bear her seeing me. Especially without you.
“Where’s Kwasi?” A question I’ve had to answer more times than I can count.
Do you remember she used to tease us every single time and ask when we’d get married? Then I’d say, “Kwasi, answer her la.” And you’d laugh and turn it back on me and tell her you just needed to get the perfect ring first. “Kaa worry, Aunty Naa!”
Of course I didn’t believe you. Mostly because you were not a mushy person and also because it was hard to accept that you’d actually want to marry me. I have my issues, I know.
You don’t know how many times I’ve recreated that night in my head. “What if this — and what if that?”
I am not sure if you heard me when you were in the hospital, or felt me squeeze your hand tightly or kiss your cheeks. The machines (and my sobs) were so loud because the room was so quiet. The doctors said I should just keep talking to you and that there was a slim chance you could hear. But you didn’t even blink once or squeeze my hand back. I prayed for all the 5 hours you fought to stay and that’s the last time I prayed. I needed you to hear I was also sorry and,…
“Can we go back in time and un-fight? Not be so quick to anger and try to understand me? Would you have driven away mid-sentence if you knew we wouldn’t see each other again?”
Sigh.
I really wish I’d asked the Uber driver to turn around.
Frammie's 
💜